Timing has never been my strong point; to make up for my general hopelessness at dealing with time, I've defaulted to a couple of rules, one leading consequentially to the other. First, assume that anywhere you go will take you at least 50% longer to get there than you first thought. Second, as a natural consequence of the first, always be early.
I have a horror of being late; I can feel lateness in my skin. If I'm late for something, I feel physically uncomfortable. However, being early for everything means I end up doing a lot of waiting around. This, in turn, means I end up with lots of time to dwell on things and, being a congenital worrier, my dwelling ends up as worrying.
Now is a case in point. I am packed - far earlier than I need to be. I'm going to leave the house in a few hours - far earlier than I need to. And how to kill the time between finishing packing and leaving the house? Why, by worrying, of course. I wish I was one of those people who never seem to worry about anything. Sufficient unto the day are the troubles thereof, says the good book and I want to believe that, I really do. I admire people who act that way, who are able to just put things away and never worry about them. I wish I knew how to do that. Instead, I dwell and fret and worry. Like now.
I'm going to be gone for a couple of months. Am I doing the right thing? Have I packed everything? Have I packed for every conceivable circumstance? What happens if...? Now a certain amount of this is healthy - when I'm teaching Project Management workshops, it's usually defined as risk management. I call it "what if" thinking rather than "if only" thinking. It's good to think about the things that might go wrong and then plan to avoid them or mitigate them. But now, when everything's done and dusted, it serves no purpose other than to make me feel anxious.
So I sit and I look at my suitcases, x-raying them with my eyes and wondering whether I've packed everything. Perhaps, I should just try to squeeze in a few more bits and pieces, just in case...
