Incoherent

I have never been made to feel afraid because of my gender or the colour of my skin.  I have never had anyone think I was their property, or that I was less than human.  I have never been assaulted, or touched or groped or fondled by strangers, or chased down the street by people who wanted to hurt me just because of who I was.  I have never experienced prejudice or racism or sexism.  I have never been afraid to leave my house for fear of how “normal” society would react.  

For all those things I can be called privileged and I would call myself fortunate.  I have, as a teenager, been bullied so I know a small fraction of the experience that some people in society feel.  I was told I was bullied because I was tall and weak and awkward and wore glasses and was nerdy and was socially inept and for a dozen other reasons: actually I was bullied because the people who bullied me were thoughtless, callous, cruel and lacking in empathy. It had nothing to do with me being any of those things – the bullied are not to blame for their bullying.

From a distance, I’ve been watching this whole Suzanne Moore, Julie Burchill, trans debate and I’ve also become increasingly aware of a number of articles from women about the sexism they face every day.  It seems to me that this is all bullying, plain and simple.  It disgusts me the way some people in society are treated: it disgusts me that half of our planet live in partial fear and subjugation by the other half.  I am the father of a little boy and the step-father to a little girl, so I suppose I’m becoming increasingly conscious of both sides of this, especially the pressure that society – by which I mean we, as men – put women under. I don’t think any twelve year old should compare herself to the women they see in the media – impossible, idealised, airbrushed – and judge herself fat or ugly.

Society is made up of minorities – we are all part of a minority of some description. Seeing certain minorities bullied saddens and sickens me. I don’t have to be trans, or gay, or a woman, or disabled, or coloured or a member of any other minority to understand that minorities can be bullied or to empathise with the problems they face.  I don’t have to be particularly intelligent to understand that some people who live on the intersection of those minorities can feel that they are being bullied from a number of sides. I don’t need to be anything other than a human being to understand and empathise with and care about their experience.

I’m sorry this is so incoherent.  I don’t really have a point to make here or even if I have a point at all; I wish I could tie all this up with a neat bow or a glib ending. But I can’t because I can’t see any way out of this.  Increasingly, the news reflects a lack of empathy in society that terrifies me; increasingly, we seem to care less and less, as a society, for those who are less equipped to care for themselves; increasingly we seem to care less and less, as a society, for those who are left behind by Darwinian capitalism.  Increasing we, as a society, are becoming thoughtless, callous, cruel and lacking in empathy.  We are becoming bullies.