One of the things that has helped me immensely, over the last few years, has been going to the gym. On the days when I’m not working - and so would have no particular reason to leave the house otherwise - it can be my only reason for getting dressed. And, on some days, my only reason for getting out of bed!
The health benefits are obvious and, I learned this week, physical exercise actually helps the middle-aged brain (which, I suppose, mine now is) create new brain cells and stay sharp. That’s not the only way in which it’s good for me mentally; exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, which are the body’s natural happy drugs, so exercising can often change my mood for the better. The other thing I’ve learned by going to the gym, however, is that as powerful as the mind undoubtably is, it’s often the weakest muscle in the body.
The kind of training I do relies on progressive overload - lifting heavier and heavier weights, until failure. What that means is I’m looking for a weight that I can press or lift until I physically cannot lift or press it again - usually after around eight repetitions. This training to failure relies, obviously, on picking the right weight and then lifting it until you cannot lift it again. That’s the failure part - you just don’t have the physical strength to do another rep. I stress physical because the thing I’ve noticed is (with me, at least) the mind gives up before the body does.
There have been so many times at the gym when my brain has been crying, “enough, no more” but I’ve pushed through that barrier - and it is purely a mental barrier - and found that I’ve got another one or two reps left in the muscle. The flesh was willing but the spirit was weak. I think the thing that’s taught me is the importance of mental resilience.
Now, I am not the most resilient of people and I’ve been fortunate in my life that I haven’t really had to be. I have friends who have been through far worse things - cancers, the loss of loved ones, terrible betrayals - and they have come through. I’m honoured to have them as friends and I think of them as role models. That helps at the times, like now, when I find I need to be resilient, when my mind is saying “enough, no more!” because my problem isn’t really with the outside world, it’s with my head. I know that and I understand that - I don’t have circumstances worse than anyone else, it’s just that sometimes I lack the resilience or resources I need to handle things as well as others might.
I want to give in but I’m not going to. I’ve had enough but I’m going to keep coming back for more. As crap as I feel, I am not going to stop. Even if I have to do it on bloody autopilot, I am going to keep going until this gets better. I saw a sign on the underground once that read “if you’re not happy with your life, change it” and I’m going to, no matter what. And no matter how bad I feel, no matter how much my brain tries to trip me up, I am not going to give up. Fall down seven times, get up eight.
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