So, a week ago I posted a piece about being contacted by E. I had some very supportive comments on Twitter and a great deal of support from the ever-lovely @spicelearning and the Laceys. Ultimately, though, I had to decide what to do and I thought carefully about the best way of replying.
In the end, I settled for telling the truth about how I felt. This is not much of a decision for some people but with me it’s sometimes tricky. I worry that telling the truth will mean that people won’t like me; I’ve learned in the past, as I’ve written elsewhere, that I try to manipulate people by sometimes being selective with the truth. But I decided that I would try to apply what I’ve learned and just be honest about how I felt.
And so I did. Last Wednesday evening, I crafted a heartfelt email that explained how I was feeling. I also explained that I believed that she did not feel the same and that while one day I would want to be her friend, right now that was too difficult because I wanted more and she didn’t want to give it. That being the case, I said I thought it would be better if she didn’t contact me again although (triumph of hope over experience) if I was wrong about how she felt she should obviously let me know.
I’m not expecting to get a reply and I haven’t had one. The fact that I wasn’t expecting one hasn’t made it any easier and the last week I’ve felt quite upset; it’s stirred up a lot of things that had settled over the last few months and I’m afraid the storm came in quite quickly this time, just when I thought it had receded. It’s not the worst thing in the world, I know that. Unlike previous occasions, I think I have a sense of perspective and a sense of humour about it that is helping me cope: I’m Googling the crap out of reactance theory, for a start! It’s just that some stuff has been stirred up and I suppose I just have to wait for it to settle again.
No comments:
Post a Comment